I want to share a recent story that illustrates the care that we have to make assumptions based on perception of patterns of behavior in Aspergers kids. My child's parent-teacher conference this week, we were informed that my son always accepts invitations from other children to play with them during recess at school, but if he is not invited to play with other kids be played happily by itself. He has complained to anyone about the situation, and so we were told that he is happy with things as they are. A few days later I was talking with my son about his experiences of playground. He said he would like to play with other children on the playground more, but that "it is difficult."
Until that point I was open to the possibility that my son preferred solitude during the recess, but my son was telling me that he would like to play with other children, but that there was something preventing him from doing so, becoming "difficult". He is only seven years old and in the second series, so all he could say was that it was "difficult". I didn't expect him to say so. I don't get him to say so. I was really curious about what he was thinking and feeling about your vacation time. It gives me a stories or get upset. He was just stating the facts of your situation from their perspective. He wanted to play more with the other children, but he found it "hard", meaning that there was no "connections" that he wanted to do that wasn't happening.
When it comes to our children Aspergers or other children on the autism spectrum, we observe and ask questions to do our best to find out what is really happening. Just because someone doesn't complain about something doesn't mean that there is a problem. My son is a sweet kid and positive. It wasn't until we gave him the space to mention that he said what was really going on with it. This may seem so simple, however, as many of us are really listening to our children. It is much easier to see patterns of behavior and make assumptions. While this approach can align with the real facts now and then, without going into real conversation, we can be much further from the truth than we realize. And if you don't know what is really happening, how can we take effective measures to improve the situation? We are sharing that information with the school staff to help them understand that while it appears to be happy playing my own, it would be somewhat involved in the game with the other children (despite appearances). The only thing preventing that is "difficult" for it now. So let's see what we can do as a team to help make it more "easy" for him to play with the kids during recess.
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